Its hard. I think, may be wrong, but a mom is supposed to support you no matter what. I thought that a mom does anything to protect you. I thought a mom goes out of her way to make you feel loved.
After I came out about my dad I started to live at my grandparents house. My mom and I never really got along but thats another story. Either way, I told about my dad Janurary 22nd, 2018. That night I left, that night I was the one to sleep somewhere else. Not him. And I honestly missed my mom so much more than ever before. So I called her and begged her to come over to cuddle with me and watch the office. She didnt.
She kept askingif i was telling the truth. Kept telling me that maybe it was me dreaming because sometimes people have crazy dreams. She kept saying " Well IF it happened".
Mom it did happen. Im sorry i really really am but i cant help it. I didnt do it. Its not my fault mommy. I wish it didnt happen. But please dont take it out on me. Im sorry. Im sorry. Im sorry. I hate it. I really do but i thought you said you would be there for me if it happened again. You promised me mom. You promised me and yoiu didnt keep it. You are telling everyone i lied. You are ruining me and i didnt even do it. Everyone hates me mom. Im so alone. I just wanted you to be there for me. I didnt tell because I wanted you to be happy. I would go through it every single day if i could i would go back and not tell. I would get raped, beat, hurt everyday for all of enternity so you could be happy. So my brothers wouldnt know a diffrence. Im supposed to be happy. Im supposed to have a mom and a dad. I have niether. Im so alone. Do you know how screwed up that is. You have hurt me more than he has. More than cj. More than a razor ever could. You couldnt even be bothered to buy me a pageant dress, you almost didnt show up. When i went to the hospital because i was suicidal because i almost bled to death the night before you left me. ALONE. in a hospital. I slept there alone. Becauyse it was superbowl and no one could come visit. Do you know how much that freaking hurts. Do you understand how much it hurts that you care more about Cj coming over than your husbund doing that to me. That I want to die. I dont want to be here.Thats not okay. That you dont call me, that you dont text, that you have yet to visit me. That when I told you for an entire week you had me questioning my sanity. That I have cut myself because of you. That you literally have told every secrect I have intrusted you with to everyone. Yet, when I open my mouth about you Im in the wrong. Thats not okay. I am supposed to your babygirl. He did this to your babygirl. Your daughter wishes she was dead cause you dont believe her.
Im sorry this turned into Dear Mom. But yea. She is fake. She is putting this image out for everyone to see. Its not that i dont want a relationship with my mom. Cause i do. I used to say so mean things to her until she cried because thats the only time she showed emotion. Thats the only time she showed she cared.
Goodnight. This wasnt a good post but im crying to hard to think
TTFN💙
No words. 😔
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