Dear Lucas

      Dear Lucas, I want you to know I love you so much. I wish I didn't have to leave you. As soon as you were born I swore to myself I would protect you and I have failed. You will probably never see this but I want to explain why I basically removed myself from your life. Ever since mom and dad got married I never felt a part of the family, this is becuase if you dont know by now we have diffrent fathers. My real dad or as mom likes to call him, the sperm doner, fled the country and doesnt keep in touch with me. It was always Tricia, Robert, Nathan, Lucas McDill, and Kara Skrapka. Though this may not be the case I always felt that Mom and Dad favored you, gave you more time, more of their love, as did Grandpa and Grandma Mcdill. They espicially love Nathan. I always stayed home when you guys went out, I kept myself at  a distance. I needed more love Lucas, I felt worthless at home.

    Once again I have to tell you how much I love you. Today when you ran into my arms I never wanted to let go. You are my baby, I love you so so so much. Sitting here writing this I want to cry. You are only three and you arent old enough to even care that I am gone. Daddy as far as I can tell loves you so much. But he hurt me, a lot. So I had to move away to stay safe. I worry about you everyday and I pray you will never get hurt by this man or anyother human on this earth. If you do I will murder them. Sometimes when people leave someone elses life the person blames the self. Lucas Kohl this is not your fault. I did this for you, yes, however it is not your fault it is 100% your fathers so blame him.

     I pray and pray and pray you will never go through any of the things ive been through. I also want to say that if when you are older anything that is mine is yours. If you ever get mad at mom and need a place to stay to calm down Im down. I even told mom while i was living there that if you ever wanted to sneak out, when I still had the room with the window until I snuck someone in..oops(Once again blame your dad), I said I would help you sneak out and cover for you. I will always be here for you, though you are kinda turning into nathan which annoys the crap out of me, but whatever.

     Please please forgive me and please dont forget about me. I cant explain to you how much I care for you. You came over and I just watched you sleep because you are so pure and I love it. Also you are the cutest thing, use it.

With love, 

                                                            your big sis -Kara Skrapka

TTFN💙