Day 3

I keep writing these at 11pm. My cousin Chloe is spending the night tonight. We spent the day making videos. I ate way more than I should have today which makes me feel like feel like throw up but i need to gain weight, my body isn't used to eating more than one meal a day.My mom took me bathing suit shopping but like I predicted before hand, we fought and ending up not getting anything. After that I went to a doctor my therapist thought I should see in order to do some psychiatric testing. My mom took me and basically lied her way through the appointment making me seem like a liar who just wanted to get back at my dad for being a jerk.  This is way to short and not very interesting but I am so tired. Goodnight❤️

Scary

I’m scared. I’m only 14 but I know I want to be a mother, I want to have a family. Yet, I don’t want to risk not being good enough . I don’t want to risk being an awful mom due to my current life style. I still haven’t fully confronted my feelings dealing with the abuse. I’m scared that I’m gonna be one of those moms that are passed out non stop and always have a drink in their hand. I’m already getting there. I hate feeling, hate being in control, love being numb. No I don't drink more than a few sips of Pina Coladas, but it's  the opposite of what you would expect from an abuse victim.

Ronel is reading ‘saucey’fanfic, it’s making me laugh cause this is not the type of person who you would expect to be reading something like this. (Mrs. Woodall if you read this Ronel says he is sorry for putting that non innocent image of him in your head, I tried to stop him but its to funny) .I can’t even focus on my crushing fear of letting down my unborn childre when I have my grandma getting mad at us for laughing to loud and Ronel trying to get through a paragraph of fanfic without me making a reference from The Office. For real this time: goodnight❤️

Day two

Its 11:51 pm as I write this post in my bed. It’s only the second day and I’m already screwing this up. Today was okay... my grandpa and I got in a couple of fights. I’m considering moving back in with my mom but I’m terrified of that house. Either way like I said today was okay, excuse my lack of punctuation is 11:54 now and I’m a little distracted due to being on facetime with my best friend, it started raining really hard so I put on a bikini and sat in the rain. It felt good because the road was hot  making the rain warm. I found a 5 leaf clover... you think that’s great but I’ve found at least 20 of them. My yard has dozens upon dozens of clovers with more than 3 leafs. At first I jokingly considered myself lucky but the day I found my first 4 leaf clover my ex told me how he no longer loved me in that way. Which sucks since he already moved on and by the next week he had a new girlfriend. It’s fine though cause I’m not even supposed to have a boyfriend and who even needs one at 14. If you aren’t dating to get married then you’re dating to break up. Then again he was the only thing keeping me going while I was dealing with going to mental hospitals and dealing with coming out about my father. Oh well... goodnight❤️

ignore..... mind is racing

What even is a salad.
I cant even
My mind is racing
he has to much power
its not okay
The salad thing is screwing with my mind

okay let me explain myself
 a salad can be anything
its literally a mixture served with a dressing.
"If you could eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be"
A salad.
A salad could be a pizza with ranch
fruit salad with yogurt
potato
egg
pasta


the next thing
he called me cute
im really not i hate myself
but he thinks im cute
well at least he says so he probably wants a pic
like everyone else
just my body that i dont even have
but its okay
he made me blush....
he made me smile when my whole world is falling apart so i thank him.

Btw this is me in the shirt I wear way to much🤷‍♀️

Day one:

       Hey, I'm Kara and currently I am trying to find my way through life. I know what you are thinking, and yes, I know everyone at this age is searching for who they are and the purpose of life. However, not to sound like an entire douche, but I feel like my quest for the answers that will determine my future is a little bit harder than most's. Why you may ask, well it is a long story and this isn't really what this blog is for. This blog is going to be guiding you through my adventures through the summer of 2018... and maybe a couple of rants.

Though to start off here is a little about me:

• I am fourteen
• I play the ukulele and I am learning the piano
• I can only draw eyeballs
• I sing way to much
• I have to many random facts floating around in my head
• I love Twenty One Pilots
• Sherlock Holmes is my husband
• Tom Holland is my son
• Brendon Urie is my dad

More personal info:

• Im scared of the dark
• I cant sleep alone
• I have depression and anxiety 
• I live with my grandparents
• My mom and I are not on good terms
• I dont know my real dad
• My step dad was abuse, hence the reason im living with my grandparents.
• I dont like being alone

Thats all for right now <3